Fifty Shades of GreenIt pisses me off (yes, PISSES!) how watersports is a taboo subject for authors of erotica. Publishers invariably identify it as a no-go area in submission guidelines, which is a shame because there are so many opportunities for erotic tension with watersports play that authors could develop.

So, imagine my delight when I managed to sneak in a sly little reference to it in my short story ‘Lady Sally Rudston-Chichester and the Walled Garden’ recently published in the anthology of gardening themed erotica Fifty Shades of Green (Greenwoman Publishing). Ok, admittedly I’ve not got away with anything especially graphic. It’s a little scene that’s designed to be comic and comment on the over-the-top personality of the main character, Edwardian dominatrix Lady Sally Rudston-Chichester (after all, this is a character who owns a brass mine in Zanzibar – yes, if you’re not a metallurgist you might need to think about that one for a moment!) but even so it’s nice to sneak it in.

I say, sneak, but that’s not entirely fair because when I submitted the story I did draw the editor’s attention to it. The submission guidelines had the usual warnings about ‘bodily functions’ so when I submitted the story I did point out the story had an obvious reference to watersport play and that if it wasn’t acceptable or went too far I’d be happy to edit it out. Anyway, the editor wanted to publish the story and also said she really liked the scene and wanted to keep it. So, the scene remained in the story.  There is an extract from it below. There’s really nothing descriptive there but maybe it’s just a tiny victory in getting writing of watersport play scenes accepted.

About Fifty Shades of Green

Fifty Shades of Green is a collection of sexy gardening-themed stories. Here’s what the editor says about the book:

“Welcome to our garden of naughty delights! Within these pages you’ll discover: – Virile gods and their mortal conquests. – A community garden’s secret (and very dirty) fertility ritual. – An Edwardian dominatrix living out her sadistic garden fantasies. – Student/teacher lessons in horticultural hotness. – Young lovers seeking the help of green witches. – A beautiful, blind priest who helps an injured traveler. . . . and so much more. Peek inside the garden gate. (You know you want to.) A dozen racy tales await. Fifty Shades of Green is a collection of twelve delicious and erotic short stories with gardening themes. What you’ll find in these pages is hotter than the hottest pepper on the Scoville index of heat! And smart, not smutty. Well . . . maybe a little smutty.”

The other authors featured in the anthology are: Rebekah, Simone Martel, Michael Bracken, Becky Trachsel, Andrew Peters, R.R.S., Janine Ashbless, Evey Brett, T C Mills, Colleen Chen and Gloria Holden.

Buy links

Amazon UK kindle

Amazon UK print kindle print

Story extract

They had one final meeting to discuss some of the detailed arrangements for the planting.  It was at this meeting that Lady Sally issued the curious instructions about setting out wooden stakes on the lawn and fixing sets of iron rings into the wall.  Jack was under no illusions that Lady Sally intended these to be used for tying her sub-missives to.  It was at this stage that her maid interjected with another strange proposal.

“If I may be so bold as to make a comment madam?”

“Yes you may Victoria, provided you are prepared to suffer the consequences!”

“Well, I think the design of madam’s garden is magnificent of course but lacking one small detail.  I think you could do with a water feature.”

“A water feature!  Why Victoria that’s a splendid suggestion.  Yes, I simply must have a water feature.”

“I can erect a fountain for your ladyship,” proposed Jack, “and perhaps a statue.  I know a sculptor friend who can do the ‘Three Graces’ for you.”

“No, no, not a fountain,” said Lady Sally, “I need something that allows water to cascade downwards.”

“Downwards.  You mean a waterfall?”

“Not quite Mr Buckingham…”